I have so much to tell you. So, much! But I have to start at the beginning where things started. Where I feel like I lost a bit of myself starting in 2022. Please be patient, but I’ve had several life-changing experiences in the past two years, and jotting it all down here on my blog helps me to process everything. I love telling stories through photos, so let’s try and catch you up that way. Settle in, this one is a LONG ONE.

Me in Sacramento, February 2022, right before Mom, Betty Cheryl Batcheller moved in with us in Texas.

That’s right. 2022 started with a BANG, a big one! My mom is Betty Cheryl Batcheller. You can read the blog post with her obituary HERE. She had been suffering from a lung disease for years. And she was full-time taking care of my step-dad, Donnie. It would have been fine if these two were in a city or town nearby to anyone who could help them. Or even if they lived somewhere where they didn’t lose power for a month at a time. Yep. You read that right. My mom would keep a wood stove burning through the night to keep them warm and all on oxygen full-time. When the power went out? She relied on bottled oxygen and that was not easy. She would turn it down to conserve thinking tomorrow the power will come on, right? Oh. And they did not have cell phone coverage in this spot of the universe, nor adequate internet. Many times when the electricity went out, so did their ATT landline. It wasn’t easy living for anyone, let alone two individuals approaching their 80’s.

This is my sweet Mom, in her home in Downieville, CA.

She needed to move. She needed to be closer to help. But my stepdad refused to leave “his piece of heaven on earth”. And he dug his feet in HARD. They both got COVID in late 2021 and were very sick. They lost power and my step-dad fell going to the garage to feed a cat that had decided to stay there for the winter, and he broke a few lungs in the process. My mom couldn’t get him up off the cold ground and had to call for help. Of course, she called us and we decided to travel there to help. We, being my sister, Kim, and me. We are the only children she has. Once we realized he would be moving to rehab, broken ribs, and pneumonia in a state that basically shuts down and takes away all your rights to life, we knew mom needed us to step in and help. We decided that we would move her to Texas, in with me temporarily until something permanent could be decided. This was February, 2022.

FEBRUARY 2022

This is the two of them saying goodbye before we left for the airport. It was BRUTAL watching this! Donnie begged us not to leave him there forever.

Mom needed help and we knew he was in good hands. We moved her into our home and our lives and I’m so very thankful we did! It was truly the closest I’ve ever felt to my mom (and my stepdad) and such a good thing for them as well. And all our families. Well, maybe not my sister’s family, as she lives in Long Beach, California, and felt left out much of the time. There’s no one way to please everyone involved, but that’s life and you deal with it as it comes at you. =

Along with my mom came their dog, Duke. Quite the handful and I’m not sure he ever warmed to me due to some furniture and pee issues. And that’s OK. He had Mom to love on him and keep him from missing Donnie, who wouldn’t come to move to Texas until almost 4 months later. I’ll get there. I’m laying this out Month to Month. Remember we are PROCESSING.

We settled in. I drove her everywhere and started helping her set up new doctors to take care of her and get her up to speed on health issues she had been putting off for YEARS. New pulmonologists, new primary physicians, new dentists, new haircut people, paperwork, copying, sharing notes, ALL the things to uproot your life and settle into a new place. A new routine. It was hard. Lots of work, lots of emotions. For all of us and I’m sure everyone around me. My normal routine changed. I didn’t have “my time” I had “our time”. Food was planned around medications. Clothing was needed, and wheelchairs were bought. Just so many things now that I go back through my photographs.

Still in February, my beautiful niece, Brooke got engaged!!!! We knew ahead of time and it was a total surprise for her. We left mom home in Slaton while we traveled to Waco. This was her first time alone in my home. This is the trip that I realized I couldn’t do that again. When we arrived back home, I noticed that the food wasn’t eaten because she didn’t have the energy to fix things for herself or plan her meals. I shouldn’t leave her unless someone was here to check in on her, bring her food, and make sure she was OK. Lesson learned and we started planning our scheduled events around my sister’s visits. That was a huge blessing! She would fly in and take care of Mom while I would work out of town. Everything had to be pre-thought, pre-planned. But we did it and I would again. And again, and again.

Mom loved the sunshine and enjoyed the slow pace of country living in West Texas. She enjoyed visiting with our family and friends who would stop by and she got to know them and enjoyed them! Another golden nugget out of her move to West Texas was the relationship she and Devin enjoyed. They had coffee together in the mornings. Devin is a morning person, me? Not so much and they quickly got close and nurtured a relationship they had never had before. This was good life. Good times.

When she left her doctor in California, he instructed me to get her to a certain weight. Because her health and stamina was declining, she didn't have the effort to cook. So, dang! I cooked! Devin was so happy! 3 meals a day and snacks in between. Her health improved.

We spent lots of time watching movies and sports and just sitting around telling stories about memories we all had.

Living for almost 30+ years in a remote mountain town took a toll of my mom. She was quite the people person and LOVED going out and meeting folks, sharing her testimony of God and enjoying the heck out of life! So every chance I got I took her anywhere I could.

If I was editing in the other room, she would sit on the couch and "surf the web" watching her shows, listening to podcasts, chatting with folks on messenger. I could hear her and see her from my office desk and it just felt good to have my mom here.

My life changed. I still tried to do ALL THE THINGS and do my full time job, running a photography business. Many days, I wouldn’t even get out of my clothes and would sleep in them. YEP. True story. I would just crash and wake up and do it all again the next day. I was still trying to live my old life even though my new life had drastically changed. My work suffered. My clients suffered. There was no easy way to do it all. So, I made the decision to quit working for the magazines I had loved working for before mom moved to Texas. I pulled my google ads and said no to lots of portrait sessions. I was torn like a new momma is torn between her baby and a job she loved. I couldn’t do both full time, so I hired a house keeper to help with the cleaning and I let go of some major photography work.

March 2022

When my stepdad refused to come and stay in Texas, we took Duke to him. He wanted his dog and thought he could take care of him. Me and mom flew to California to visit him and bring the dog. We had to medicate him to keep him from barking and between mom and oxygen, the wheelchair, and the dog, it was A LOT. We almost always ended up giggling somewhere and met so many wonderful people along our travels. It wore Mom out in the worst way. One day of flying would equal a full day of rest after we got there. I’m sure for Duke as well. LOL

You can see the fear in this dog's eyes. Like what the heck?

I think this is when the drugs hit pretty hard. Glassy eyed and smelling snacks being passed out. He's supposed to be on the floor under her seat but he would just whine and whine and mom gave in and put him on her lap.

He would calm down a bit.

and they both would fall asleep.

of course he refused to be set down on the pet floor "bathroom".

My sister met me there and it was so wonderful to see her! Just to be there and help me with Mom + Donnie and figure out the next step in their lives. They didn't want to be apart, but she didn't want to stay there taking care of him without help. And because their home was so remote, it was impossible to find help.

With Kim there, I could vent and we could bounce ideas off each other and we enjoyed walks all over town to help "figure out our lives". Downieville really is a cute little town.

If you are healthy and can walk, it's a beautiful place to live. In the spring or summer. After that? Not so much.

These two had missed each other terribly. We talked up Texas BIG but couldn't get him to agree to come back with us. He wanted to stay. He had some food in the freezer and we honestly thought he might be OK. I could bring mom back to see him and maybe he would get stronger since rehab and with the town's help, and the local doctor, maybe things would be OK.

We said our goodbyes and I took Mom back to Texas.

I remember how utterly tired she was on the way home. She hid a lot from Donnie and my sister about how much travel simply wore her out. She loved it, but dang. I hated to see her suffer like that.

As for Duke? He lived with Donnie for about a week and then he called us for help to find him a home. We found a lady who took him in.

April - May 2022

We came back and I dove into work commitments. Prom, weddings, and work trips. All while organizing things at home to make mom's life better, easier.

Easter Lillies at the church, I was still in charge of flowers.

This was a work trip to Newport Beach with NPECA. My sister lives close so I had the chance to visit her family

Me, Kim and Hope all hanging out in the sunshine!

I prayed quite a bit during this time and I'm thankful. I would rely on that considerably in the months to come. The Daily Rosary was an easy way to connect with my spiritual life without wearing me out. I was always so tired. I couldn't rest my brain, maybe I could my spirit?

Easter came and went. It was a blur but I was very thankful I had my girls and Devin to help me. They always came through! They were loving on Grandma good!

Spring was great! Kalyn played softball in Lubbock in a league and I made it to a game now and then. We were settling into a routine. Getting comfortable. But we still could not convince Donnie to join us. I knew hat was bothering Mom and weighed on her heavily. Prayers helped!

We found a cardiologist we LOVED and Mom got caught up on her tests and procedures little by little. She had a routine heart cath done, which is part of monitoring mom's lung/heart condition. This provides a baseline to study the progression of her disease. She had not had one done in quite some time.

Unfortunately, the results weren't the best. Mom assured me that this is how it was. But for years we were not a part of her doctor's routine and keeping up with test results. We would simply call her on the phone and she'd say "She was OK". This is different. I dove into research and studies and started on a health path to helping her feel her best for as long as I could. That was my goal. Giving her the best possible chance at living the rest of her life in the best way possible. The stress of taking care of Donnie and his health issues had taken its toll on Mom. It had worn her out earlier than what it should and I had guilt building up inside of me. Guilt for all the years where we didn't get involved. Of course, we couldn't until she asked us to, we had to respect their adult lives. But knowing that didn't stop the guilt.

Life moves on around you while you are begging it to slow down. We lost a dear friend. You want to stay involved in your community and take care of them, but when you are pulled in a million different directions, it proves difficult to grasp your feelings on situations. I don't think I've mourned losing Bob or Jimmy yet. This is where prayers come into play. I would grab my rosary anytime I felt like crying.

Friends always listened and helped when I would reach out.

Friends would help and their lives were moving fast as well. Mayci and Corbin got married! So much joy that day! But a part of me was dealing with sadness that I couldn't explain.

I kept improving mom's home life, because that is basically where she spent the majority of her day. We left her car in California and I offered her mine, but she didn't take it anywhere. So I assessed her home life and bought a rug. The previous one had been a favorite with Duke and when he left the smell did not leave with him.

And with ta new rug came some furniture changes. Mom helped pick out a new couch.

We LOVED it! It was Betty Cheryl approved! Side note, I'm writing this 2 years later and this was her spot. ALWAYS. Her oxygen could reach from her bedroom to here and the kitchen and she loved sitting in the sun by the windows and watching the world. It has a permanent spot where her tiny rump sat. She loved this couch! I love seeing that spot in my home.

Kanga, my dog totally approved of the rug.

And Mother's Day that year provided mom with a new place to lounge.

She loved the outdoors! LOVED IT! I would come home from a session and many times find her hear talking to folks on the phone, or taking naps in the sun.

My brother-in-law came to Texas for the first time to possibly purchase a house here so they could visit more often since Mom was here.

Found some gems, but they weren't quite ready to take the leap. He's a Cali guy through and through. Not enough water around here for a beach guy. It was so nice to have him for a few days. It was his first West Texas visit!

Mom was thriving, but still missing Donnie.

June 2022

June came in HARD. I was still working pretty much full time with weddings and such and my dog, Kanga wasn't doing well. We had to put her on meds earlier in the year and she passed away that month. It wasn't good. But I pushed through.

I photographed some fabulous weddings! I loved them so much because they gave me a creative break from caretaking. Devin and my girls took good care of my mom when I was gone, but I was missing family memories with her and I knew she was sick and suffering and I was torn. So guilt was piling up. Praying was as well.

There is so much joy in life though! I have such a wonderful family and I don't brag about them near enough. Brooke invited me to spend the weekend with her dearest friends, my girls, and her mom, Emily. DRESS SHOPPING! Remember, she's getting married! I made my way to Waco! And had a fabulous time!

And June meant that Donnie was going to visit! YEP! He had made Mom a promise during her last visit that he would visit her in Texas but he wasn't moving. EVER. So, we dropped all our plans whatever they may have been, I don't even remember? And we showed him a good old Texas time! Lots of good memories that trip!

It required much background work to get a van to pick him up at his cabin on the river and take him to the airport and help him find his plane, not lose his boarding pass and transfer planes correctly. WHEW! Mom was pretty nervous, but with cell phones and help from a great airline, South West, he arrived!

We celebrated Devin's birthday and Father's Day and on the day he was supposed to travel back to Downieville, he woke up and said he was staying. Which is most excellent news! But I had no place here for him to stay. He really needed full time assisted care. FULL TIME.

This is where those prayers paid off. I always asked God to provide a way for things to work and give me the strength and the path to making their lives the best they could be for as long as they could be. God came through in a BIG way for us! In the course of 4 days I found a fantastic assisted living place in Lubbock that took his Veteran's Insurance to pay for his care in full. He could stay there in a private room with someone to watch and care for him. It was AWESOME! But that meant he left California with just a carry-on and few things, not EVERYTHING he needed to live. So...

We got him moved into his new room and my sister flew out to stay with my Mom and handle things while Devin and I flew to Downieville. We needed to secure their home, pack up anything that was of worth and value and pack up the items he had given to us on a list. The man wanted boots, jackets, shirts, knives, ALL THE THINGS with him in his new room at Crown Point. Holy Moly! What a trip! We loaded up their little SUV and drove it all the way back to Texas. It was the craziest thing and the most exhausted I had been in quite a while. Geez... But I was happy that Donnie agreed to come to Texas and live because I knew that it would take some stress off my Momma.

Devin on the plane trying to take a nap before all the packing and hard work was happening. He had not been to Downieville in YEARS. This was a busy trip but a good one for him to see how things were out there. Once you see how hard it is to live in their situation and at their age, you appreciate the hard work we had been doing all the more. Hard trip, good decision.

Once we arrived at the cabin, we quickly realized that Donnie had NOT been taking care of himself at all. There was evidence of a fall or two. We also found evidence that he had not been taking his medication correctly, He had basically been living in his recliner in the living room. I felt awful. I truly did. But we could not force him to make that decision any earlier than he did. We tried! He had to make it on his own and now that he was in Texas? I was going to do everything I could to help him enjoy life there with my Mom and my Family.

Meanwhile, back in Lubbock, Kim and Mom were enjoying spending time together and getting Donnie settled into his new space.

This is us on the road trip bringing back all of Donnie's requested goodies.

He loved making friends at Crown Point. And Mom did too! They made so many! He was teaching Bible Study once a week and everybody there knew "Cowboy Donnie". He loved Texas!

and Mom could relax finally knowing he was taken care of and not suffering alone in their mountain home.

It was also about this time that my nephew got engaged! WOW! We've got a wedding to go to! We were all so excited!

July 2022

July started off with a family road trip to Dallas to celebrate and photograph a wedding. What a wedding! We loaded up the car and brought Mom with us. We had an inverter installed in my Honda that would keep her oxygen pumping the entire time. This was she could easily transfer from car to hotel and not be stressed bout bottles or portable pumps. It was AWESOME and freeing for her and me.

She loves to travel, my Momma! I'm so glad we dragged her along with us any chance we got. I know she felt like it was a hassle on us and maybe it was sometimes, but gosh, we made so many fun memories on those road trips. So much laughter!

And Devin works so much he rarely gets to travel and this was fun for him as well.

Donnie moved to Texas in June and my sister came to Texas for her yearly vacation so she could see Mom + Donnie. Normally they would trek up to Downieville and spend their vacation time there. This year we get them in Texas!

This was the first time their entire family was here in Texas and I LOVED it! They stayed with us and it was cramped and crazy but we had such a great visit!

We had such a good time!

You ain't in Texas unless you are at Whataburger, right?

Keri and Chris graciously let us take over their pool one day. LOVED that!

We played games every night and talked about the upcoming wedding. HELLO! Mom's first grandchild is getting married!

I think this is why they were considering a move here to Texas. If mom is here, they want to be here.

July also brought the Hlavaty Family Reunion. Such good memories catching up!

With Donnie in Texas, my life got crazy busier, but it also got better in a way. I wasn't worried as much and again, routines changed, but I learned to live with them.

July always means the trees are blooming and sunshine is almost every day!

It also meant now that Donnie was here we needed to get affairs in order. Address changes, policy changes, hire caretaker at the property. ALL THE PAPERWORK seemed to amp up! And I was here to help mom navigate just that.

We threw Donnie a birthday dinner!

It was a fun family memory and the first time I remember celebrating his birthday with him in person. My mom and Donnie have been married for 37 years. that means 36 birthdays I didn't not celebrate with him!

That month my feet spent a lot of time in these slippers. LOL

And we spent a lot of time eating out showing Donnie all the places he'd been missing.

Mom was always at the kitchen table doing something. Mostly paperwork and phone calls. So much Veteran red tape. I don't know how one human can ever navigate those channels alone. It requires brain power, patience and LOTS of note taking. It's a shame really, the hoops they make you jump through as a veteran. Chores were changing. My chores and Mom's. Now that Donnie was here he needed things. Expected things. And it was on us to provide those and navigate a new path. We would call him almost daily to see what was going on, keep him connected, and talk him through confusion and such. And remember all the things we had to set up new for Mom when she arrived? Well, we were doing the same for Donnie. It quickly became exhausting for me because I didn't want mom to have the burden of it all. She had her hands full just trying to stay healthy and alive.

He needed things, and well deserved. Donnie's facility, Crown Point could provide what he needed medically, but for the emotional and spiritual side, the physical work of doctor's appointments, shopping, etc., it landed on us. I quickly noticed a change in her stress level that I hadn't noticed when it was simply her in Texas. It was more tiring on her due to his mental condition. He suffered from short term memory loss. He would forget her prognosis and for darn sure get lost in an easy town like Lubbock to navigate. I started taking time out of my schedule to drive them both around to help relieve some of that stress. Help. her help him. I noticed memory problems that didn't seem just "old age". Anxiety would take him over and he would use the words "It's complicated". He liked to be back at his facility by a certain time and it would stress him out if we were running late. He didn't want to come out to my place and stay after dark. That bothered him as well. I think Donnie at the cabin felt safe and could handle/hide his memory problems easily but now, being in a new place, he couldn't anymore. I made myself responsible for taking him to all his doctor's appointments, taking notes, researching his issues, his medications, getting paperwork transferred and even finding a speciality doctor for what I thought were neurological issues. Were the issues due to overloads of medication and him not being able to keep on a schedule or was he was suffering from something else? We scheduled tests, appointments, all the things and in between his and Mom's, I was BUSY. Very busy. Yet I was still working full time and trying to stay afloat of my editing. Life again got very hard.

Friends helped tremendously. They would listen to me vent so that I wouldn't take it out on my mom. But I did a few times, the stress would get to me and she knew it. I hated myself for that as I didn't want her to ever think she wasn't wanted. They weren't wanted here. It was just hard. That's all. And I'm thankful good friends helped.

August 2022

August came in with a ton of fun! We were again, getting used to a new routine, settling in and figuring out life with Donnie in Texas. I tried to attend mass more. That always helped with my stress level.

Donnie was shopping for a fridge in his room for ice cream, even though he was 20 feet away from the kitchen and common area. I don't think he wanted to share. LOL

We also had an 80th birthday to celebrate. The Bednarz Family went to Broken Bow OK to celebrate Davida's birthday. We took Mom along, of course. And had the BEST TIME!

Ate some awesome steaks on the way!

Had coffee together in hotel rooms and enjoyed that immensely. We were all coffee drinkers and had strong opinions about how much, where to get it, check the supply, etc. Our road trip, hotel life revolved around making sure we had coffee!

The cabin we stayed at was HUGE and had enough room for all of us! LOVED hanging out with everyone enjoying playing games and visiting and celebrating Davida's 80th. Mom loved it, too. She was fitting in with this crazy family no problem. She was even adding her own crazy to the game!

And August flew by! I even made another game or two of softball. That felt AWESOME!

Every chance I could get, I would spend it with my Mom. So, yes, work slipped behind but I would never get these times back, I felt. I just simply felt like time with her was never wasted and if I didn't grab it, I would lose it somehow.

We sure enjoyed Devin's yard!

At this point, Mom was still driving herself to visit Donnie. She could manage that like a couple times per week. They would go to Dairy Queen and sit at a park and eat ice cream together. Those were their dates. It would wear her out, of course, but it was worth it to her to spend that time with him.

Work continued and I was happy and blessed. This one is from Brittney's wedding.

Devin bought a new patio set! We've really enjoyed that!

Life moved on. I continued to shoot and work. Mom continued to take care of all things Donnie. He was proving to be a handful. I helped as much as I could but now that he was properly taken care of and feeling better, this guy wanted to go and go each and every day!

He was even talking about buying a pickup truck now that he was in Texas. Mind you, he hasn't driven one bit. He gets confused walking around his housing complex. No way were we letting him buy a truck, but gosh, we let him dream.

We would go and pick him up and cook for him and he'd sit on the patio with Momma and then I'd take him back before dark.

It’s now September. And life is busy. Stressful I’m not even sharing the 1/2 of everything we are going through just staying afloat and maintaining a sense of normal in a house of chaos. And I know so many caregivers can relate. When people rely on you for everything it can be taxing and hard and a part of me just wanted to hop on a plane and go far far away. Another part of me? It loved taking care of them and making plans with them to enjoy their lives. But that meant sacrificing a huge part of mine and the business I built for years. Even built back after cancer. I struggled emotionally and physically, but realized this is life and this is good and somehow I needed to learn to juggle. Right? Juggle.

I’ll publish this post and continue with the rest of the months soon.

Thank you if you get this far in reading about my journey. It truly is helping me allow some grace into my life just by going through the memories. Thank you.

Love does,
Kristin

the one with a “catch-up” on my life the last two years